Riddle

I am enigmatic,
A saying,
A question,
A picture,

I am 1,000 words.
I’m fake Asian food,
I am midnight.

A bag of glitter confetti,
A bowling coupon.
I’m a red chair cushion,
And the shoes on your feet.
Today,

You are easily read,
A book,
An answer,
An image,

You are 1 word,
You are noon,
You’re rice,

A box of computer paper,
A grocery bag,
You’re a white pillow,
And the socks on my feet,
Every day


2010

My Name

In English my name means…..you know what, scratch that. I don’t know what my name really means, and why should I? I mean, there are a lot of people who need to know everything right then and there, and I’m not that kind of person. If I had to take a guess, it might seem to me like a sort of yellow color, maybe a pale blue. My name is morning and I am night, it’s simply not fit for me. My name is not the real me, I am secretive, dark, and deep, much light the cytoplasm of the universe, the darkness that lies between the stars. My name on the other hand, is the bright blue sky and the yellow sunrise, which fit me when I was about five, but I think that I’m just about ready for a change.
It is also my second cousins name too; I can only assume that I was named after her. I always wondered if she was more like the sun or the moon, the morning or the night, midnight or noon. Although she is still alive I have yet to meet her, so I wonder.
There is only one place I will ever go by the name Ellen, and that would be Cotillion. At school my name is Ellie, and I’m not saying I like it, but prefer it over the hard stone sound from my N in Ellen. Ellie is much softer. When someone calls me Ellen I feel either too young or too old, never where I am.
Everyone always says that the name Ellie fits me. I'm not sure why, but I hate that.  When someone tells me that the name Ellie fits me, it makes me think that they do not know the real me at all. They know the School me, the real me does not think that way, use the same vocabulary, or even act the same way. That is why I chose writing, communicating without talking, connecting without sharing... it seems the practice was made for me. I hate public speaking, and I hate fitting in like a cookie cutter. If I were a coloring book and my name were the colors, the crayons markings wouldn’t be even a tiny bit outside the lines. I need something to help me escape my cookie cutter life, something to make me seem more unpredictable, as I hide behind a hesitant conscience.
I would like to baptize myself under a new name, a name that’s less typical of me. I need a name that no one else has... like…Beyonce. I’m not exactly saying I want to be Beyonce, but think about it. How many Beyonces do you know? ONE! I need a name like that. I need a name that, when it's spoken, everyone always knows exactly who they’re talking about. Maybe I would change my name to……… well that’s just it, I don’t know what my name should be, because I thought more and more and finally I realized that which ever name I would choose, I’m going to want to change it later. Although something like Kira or even Beyonce would be nice, soon enough I will want to change it again. So for now I guess I’m coloring inside the lines.


2008

From an Unknown Companion

He has no name to me.
Mender of worlds,
Healer of the universe,
Savior of time.

This Timey-Wimey
Glob of goop
Could so effortlessly
Be under his control.

But he’ll just stop
And watch it go.

Too much time
To reflect, I suppose.

He’s content
To watch and wonder.

Let him go.
Keep your gun.

We, the people of the earth,
Sunken to the bottom.
Left behind,
Drifting,
Gravity yanks us
Away from the unknown.

Crystallization.
Saturating,
Crusting and crumbling
Our shoes to the floor.
The cytoplasm of the universe,
Waiting,
So disturbed and so unheard of,
But I’ve seen it now.


2010

The Ways We Lie

"it's not easy to entirely eliminate lies from our lives. No matter how pious we may try to be, we will still embellish, hedge, and omit to lubricate the daily machinery of living. but there is a world of difference between telling lies and living a lie. Martin Buber once said, "The lie is the spirit committing treason against itself." Our acceptance of lies becomes a cultural cancer that eventually shrouds and reorders reality until moral garbage becomes as invisible to us as water is to a fish." The Ways We Lie; Stephanie Ericsson


WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS AN ESSAY I WROTE FOR ENGLISH THAT CONTAINS A LOT OF HARRY POTTER AND A LITTLE SHAKESPEARE.  Also, this is my essay before my teacher corrected it as well... She made me cut most of the intro, which i love... so I thought I'd just post this version anyway. ENJOY.

The Atrocity and Essentiality of Lies

            Gilderoy Lockhart unlocks the exhausted wooden door to explore his unfamiliar office. He cannot help but notice, as he steps across the threshold, a full wall of different dark reds, deep forest greens, and elegant cobalt blues. Books line the room from floor to ceiling, each one different, and yet alike. As he examines the hard covers, he finds they all have one thing in common. Etched in gold across each spine, a name has been printed in curly cursive… Gilderoy Lockhart. He rips them off the shelves, feverishly flipping through the pages, which contain first hand accounts of his struggles with serpents, battles with banshees, and wrangles with wolves. He rapidly skims the stories in disbelief, reading about creatures whose names alone would frighten his students to retreat under their desks, and of course, the exhilarating tales of how he had defeated them. What Gilderoy found most odd was his failure to remember any of the events in these books… or ever having written them at all. Although he could not recall ever setting pen to paper with the intention of producing a novel, that did not matter. Even if he had not lost his memory… he would never be able to truly recall all the events in his “autobiographies.” This is simply because every last book written by Gilderoy Lockhart was a lie. Gilderoy traveled across the world recording the stories of brave men and women, wiping their memories, and presenting their accomplishments as his own personal achievements. Through these mendacities, Gilderoy has compromised part of himself, although he always viewed them as essential to his success. In an excerpt from The Ways We Lie, Stephanie Ericsson emphasizes the atrocity and yet the essentiality of lying. Although she admits there are functional lies, Ericsson also raises the point that lying cannot only cause distress around the lair, but within them. In a society where lying has become pedestrian, we must contemplate where to draw the line between a functional lie and a prevalent falsehood. Although Ericsson conveys all lies as corrupting us from within, venial lies are not only functional, but absolutely essential.

Lies can be detrimental and demoralizing to the liar, that much is undeniable. With each severe falsehood someone bestows upon the world, he grows farther from himself. Iago from William Shakespeare’s Othello is a perfect example. As the storyline progresses Iago seems to be driving himself mad with power, and dragging Othello, the title character, to insanity alongside him. Each time the knave decides to twist the truth in an attempt to sabotage the Othello’s happiness, he endangers a bit of his own rational being. The plotline is focused mainly on Othello’s journey into an unstable consciousness of insanity, but does not emphasize the fact that Iago is being driven mad with the power to manipulate as well. Iago’s lies eventually render him sociopathic, and he feels the destruction of those around him has become a game. Each lie Iago tells is not only onerous to Othello’s newly procured paranoid mindset, but also takes an enormous toll on Iago himself.

The most important facet when considering the morality of a lie is intentions. For example, imagine the mother of a small child had procured a cancerous brain tumor. She and the child’s father would have to sit their daughter down and explain the circumstances. They deliver the news with generally calm dispositions, hoping to placate all the worries their child may have. They are hoping their little girl may find their voices to be soothing, and hopefully may feel a little more at ease about the situation at hand. As the mother goes into surgery, hopefully the child will not feel scared, as you would usually expect any child to be during such a tragic time. The child feels safe, and knows, as her parents have told her, that “Everything will be alright.” It is hard to believe that the mother was not scared as she was being prepared for her operation. It is hard to believe that she truly felt that “everything would be alright,” but it was essential that she lied to her child. The girl’s parents only intended to appease their child, showing that a lie like this one is completely functional, and even caring. That little girl may have grown up wishing she’d known how serious the situation was at the time, but my parents knew something she did not. They knew just how important it was that I did not discover the full weight of this issue until after the procedure, after I knew my mother would truly “be all right.”

In her essay, Stephanie Ericsson reflects upon how essential and unavoidable lying has become in everyday life. Although she says that lies are “moral garbage”, equating them to “cultural cancer”, sometimes it can be important, and even lifesaving in our society to utilize functional lies. A paragon of the redeeming qualities of a functional lie would be Severus Snape from the Harry Potter series. Snape manipulates the nefarious Lord Voldemort with the use of functional lies to preserve the lives of those around him. This enigmatic character is known to be a follower of both the malevolent Voldemort, as well as the benevolent Dumbledore. Neither of these men have ever been given a reason to doubt Snape’s loyalty, but no one knows to whom he is truly loyal. He is known for being mildly cruel to Harry, who despises the man all throughout his years of schooling. Snape seems to despise Harry as well, making his life more difficult at every opportunity, but when it comes down to it, Snape has preserved Harry’s life on several occasions. By assuming the role of a villain, Snape could receive inside information from Lord Voldemort, providing him with the opportunity to spare the lives of innocent people. Although lies are often detestable, this is where it becomes most complicated, when lies hold the potential to save lives.

Lockhart had charmed his students and colleagues after recounting to them all of his amazing achievements, which had been spread throughout his several autobiographies. In reality, he is nothing more than a coward. Lockhart is nothing more than a liar. He has spread inaccuracies countless times to his students, fellow professors, readers, and most importantly, himself. Lockhart’s view on his many falsehoods has warped his mind, as he now believes these detrimental lies to be essential, and simply functional. Although operative and imperative lies are important, we must first draw the line between those such lies, and destructive falsehoods. It is ironic that Gilderoy has his own memories erased, and can no longer recall who he is, because even before this incident Lockhart had already lost himself. He had spread so much disinformation about himself and his life, that he himself had physically forgotten who the true Gilderoy Lockhart was… a liar.


2010

Bookstore Boy

There's a me.
She's not here.

and there's a you.
that's hidden near.

a paradise
of books and coffee
so by paradise,
a library.

the hidden you
is there,
don't tell!
secret me
is there as well.

Their stolen glances
over hard binding,
more than Alaska's
what she's finding.

mystery me,
and yearning you,
yank us through
the bookshelves too.

Knees wobbly,
and eyes flicker,
stomachs
simultaneously
grow sicker.

We dodge and
move our separate ways,
just a smile...
on the better days.

Sometimes I really
wish I knew
the secret soul
inside of you.


2009